Right and Wrong
by ITILY
Summary: The sequel to PLEASE DON'T!...in Mello's POV....Rated M just in case...is this going to end badly again?...Please R & R...Flamin' allowed...
1. I blew it!

Ok..I got an idea..to do a sequel..sort of..to PLEASE DON"T!....This is in Mello's POV....Story is the same..but this is how it was for Mello....Maybe at the end...I'll try to continue the story from where I left it in the first story.....It wasn't easy writing this..needed to get all the facts right...So please enjoy..and REVIEW!!

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**I BLEW IT!!**

_One month before we knew about L's death…._

"YO, Mels, where ya goin'?" Matt yelled at the back.

"Gonna go let off some steam!" I huffed and just stomp my way across the hallways, right up to that little freak's room. I just freakin' don't get it, how the hell does he keep beating me!! All he does is sit around, playing stupid toys, and he beats me every time, UGH, I freakin HATE him!!

"NEAR!!" I almost snap the whole door and hinge and whatever else connected to it down.

_What the…._

I was totally….Well I dunno what I was, staring at Near with the bandages on his chest, or should I say, breast, my eyes fell a little lower, and I swore my eyes almost popped out of my head. What the freakin' HELL!!!

Whoa, I just couldn't hold it in, and started laughing my guts out. HE'S A SHE!! What the hell! What the hell! What the HELL!!! I just can't stop laughing, my eyes were soggy, seeing him, no her, scrambling for a towel, and still trying to be all 'monotonous'. FREAKIN' SHIT!!!

I knew I was wasted but I couldn't be that bad till I'm imagining this, like come on who could ever picture Near blushing! LMAO!! I just needed to laugh, then that little freak starts pushin me out the bathroom, with those thin, weak arms, darn Near!! I just spread my arms at the doorway, then push the little thing back in the bathroom, no way, I needed an explanation, I wasn't gonna let the freak run away so easily.

I'm not really clear on what happened next, I think Near was talkin to me or something, 'cause I saw those lips movin, those pretty pale lips, and the next thing I knew, we're kissin!! I was kinda blurry after that, just thinkin bout that sweet taste, what is it, it's better than chocolate, and way better! I needed to just have another taste, so without thinkin I just went ahead and kissed Near again! And this time I even used my tongue! _Wow…Near, what are you? You're so sweet…._

Ouch! That little freak bit my tongue!! AND IT SLAPPED ME!! Then I saw it walkin out! What the hell! NO WAY!!

I just grabbed the kid and pinned it down to the first thing I could, the sink. I was so freakin' wasted, I just went on kissing that thing. Mmm, is it just me, or is it getting sweeter each time? Mmm…

OH HELL!! My hand was on the little freak's legs and then I was touchin it in places that I'm quite sure is illegal. DAMMIT!! IT KICKED ME!! (right in the balls!!)

That little freak's runnin again!! I was on the ground, still burning down there, so I grabbed what ever my hand could reach, which was an ankle I think, then I heard a THUMP! OH SHIT! NEAR!!

I turned the kid over, and it just moved it's legs apart in a way that nobody should in front of me when I'm drunk. I don't hell remember what happened again, but I think my mouth was on Near's chest, no breast, they were REAL!! I just really didn't expect any of this and to see it when I'm drunk, oh my god, is this body for real!! I'd always thought that Near was a sissy boy, but now, the girl Near, wow….her body ROCKS!!

WHAT THE HELL!! Everything was blank again….Then I just remember, having the greatest feeling of my life, I was pretty sure Near's a virgin then. I dunno what the hell, or whatever crap anymore, I just didn't want it to stop. OH GOD! It was the best sex of my life! How can something so wrong, feel so good!!

But after that, the alcohol effect was clearing and I was starting to get sober. OH NO!! OH NO!! OH HELL!! **WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!!!**

Suddenly, everything came back slamming at my face, Near was naked, crying and struggling, and I was on top, crushing myself in this kid. SHIT!!!

I quickly stop, moving away from Near, I don't think I've ever felt so scared in my life, as I put my clothes back on. THE HELL!! I can still hear Near sobbing and hiccupping!! SHIT I BLEW IT!! **BLEW IT BIG TIME!!**

Whatever, I just wrapped the kid and put Near on the bed, I dunno what I was thinking anymore, I felt like my heart was gonna jumped right out, I was so freakin' scared out of my socks!

"I won't tell anyone," I tried to say, "I promise" Hoping that in return Near wouldn't tell anyone about last night. We'll just keep these things to ourselves, it would be our secret. _Please Near, please don't tell anyone…._

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Sorry..it's kinda short...but Mello doesn't think as much as Near...anyways I hope I got the story right...tell me if I made a mistake somewhere...REVIEW PLS!!!


	2. I'm not ok

Ok...can't believe I'm still writing this...oh everything's so twisted and wrong...anyways I think I'm getting a better grasp of Mello's POV...So enjoy and REVIEW?

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**I'M NOT OK**

The next week went like hell for me, I could barely look at Near without thinking about what I've done. But I guess I should be glad Near hadn't told anyone. Near was more cold and quiet than before, avoiding me, but of course Near was doing a better job at making it go without notice.

"Hey, Mello, you okay?" Matt said, fingers twitching at the DS.

"Huh? Yeah-" No of course, not, I raped somebody! NO I RAPED NEAR!! Matt, I wanted to tell him so badly, I needed help, seriously.

"You sure?" Matt actually paused his game, "Cause you know if you got a problem, you can tell me right?" Matt you really are my best friend, you know me so well.

"Nah-" I was unconvincing.

"It's just you've been really phased out and-" I felt like I couldn't breath, when he looked straight in my eyes, "You haven't said anything about Near for awhile."

"W-WHAT!" **OH SHIT, Matt's got me!**

"I dunno…It's just a little strange…but I guess I should be happy" Matt took out a cigarette.

"H-Why's that?" I tried to calm myself.

"It means you're finally getting over that obsession" Matt smirked. OH Thank God!

"GO TO HELL!" I shouted at the gamer, then grinning, trying to joke. Matt, I'm so sorry for lying to your face, but I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone.

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I woke up at night again, panting, my heart beating so fast, it hurt. I've been having the same dreams over and over, about Near of course. About that night, what we did together, I know it was wrong, but I just can't get it out of my head, and somehow I didn't want to, because I've never felt this way about anyone. And I just can't believe I do with Near!

I got up, started walking down the hallways, and my feet stopped at the library, the door wasn't lock for some reason, so I just went in.

"H-Hello?" I heard as I was walking in the library.

"Near?" Of all the, why the hell!! I felt really awkward, but I knew I needed to talk to Near about what had happened and apologize if possible. But then the kid starts crying! I didn't know what to do, so I just did the first thing that snapped into mind, I hugged Near. OH SHIT!! I felt those perfect curves, and that sweet, sweet scent, that could only be Near.

Just a taste, just one little taste….CRAP!! I just can't control myself! DAMN ALL THE HORMONES!!! Near please stop me! But that emotionless twit, just let me do whatever I want, I took off all our clothes quickly, just not thinking, or maybe I just didn't want to.

"P-please-d-don-Ahhah" Near cried but it was a little too late to stop myself. After that, Near was so quiet, why didn't this kid stop me!! I heard only sobs, that was enough to at least, to try to not hurt the kid that much. So I did it slowly, trying to be as smooth as I could, slowly pushing my way through that tight space. I felt those frail fingers on my chest, so cold, then all those words started blurting out.

"I love you, Near" I did, so much I can't help myself anymore. It's worst than the first time when I was drunk, now I can't think straight at all. "I just want to be with you." Near, are you hearing what I'm saying?

I finally pulled us apart. I didn't want to but I needed to fix Near's position a little. Near, I promise you, just do as I say and it won't hurt that much. We did it a few more times, I didn't rush it, trying to find Near's sweet spot. It was better each time, and I could feel that Near had orgasms, so that must be good right?

I didn't want the night to end but the sun was rising so I had to stop. I dressed myself and Near since the kid was worn out, then helped Near back to the dorms.

* * *

The next week would be what I describe as the best days of my life. I wonder if Near even notices what's he/she's done to me. But Near never objects to me, ever. I didn't really know what Near felt towards me, so I needed a little test.

"Hey Near" I whispered to the white figure in the library, "Could you come to my room later?"

Nod.

Yes!

* * *

I heard the knock on the door, could it be? "Come in" I said, feeling impatient for some reason. I couldn't understand the look on Near's face, but then the kid closed the door! I was still trying to be cautious, Near was trembling a little, I think, but that face was so still. I took a step forward, and Near moved one step back. I felt my heart drop. I didn't understand, so I just kept walking, until Near's back was against the door, I trailed a hand down to the door knob and locked it. Moving away those long bangs, those beautiful black eyes looking at me, so innocent. I placed a kiss on Near's forehead. _Near, what is going through that head of yours?_

This is so confusing, I kissed those lips again, and immediately they parted, letting my tongue pass through. _Near, you're so confusing._

I felt the little frame shook a little, "It's alright my little bunny." I tried to sooth. Oh, so many things I wanted to call you, _My sweet, My love, My heart, My angel, My Near._

* * *

Ok, I admit that the thing that I did next was pretty sick and wrong but I just wanted to see if Near would consent. When I saw, that little white thing walking out, "You're just the cutest thing, aren't cha?" it blurted out. But Near, you are, _cute, pretty, beautiful, perfect_. I needed to show Near just what I meant, turning him/her to face the mirror.

I saw those pale cheeks brushed with the sweetest shade of pink. Was Near shy? I don't know, but Near started twirling a lock of hair, so I whispered reassuring in the kid's ear. Oh God, I stared at those slender legs, which despite Near's height seemed long, that thin waist tied up by a corset, and perfectly shaped breast. The maid dress and bunny ears plus tail was a good choice, but even without them, Near would turn me on, easy. I leaned down, wanting a kiss, and Near closed those eyes. _Did you want me to kiss you?_

I don't know, I just took off my clothes, leaving just the boxers on, sitting back on the couch, waiting for something to happen. I signaled Near to come over, expecting the kid to run straight for the door, but why? Near started walking towards me. I took a cold hand, kissing the back, waiting for some sort of reaction. But nothing.

So finally, I assume Near must be cool with the whole situation. I made those legs straddle my lap, a new position for us, I haven't really done it like this before. I was a little worried. Then I felt water on my face, Near was crying. Was she (yes I can finally stop with the he/she) scared too?

"It's okay, we've done it before right and nothing's ever went wrong" I tried to calm the kid down, and myself.

"P-Ple-s-I-d-don-want to" Near what are you saying? I don't understand, if you didn't want to, why didn't you just leave?

"You'll thank me for this someday" I was sure that Near wanted this, she just doesn't know it yet, because, well, we all know how Near is with emotions, she always lie. I took of my last piece of clothing, I placed my lips on the groove of Near's neck, taking a deep breath, I was still scared, but I wanted this, and Near I know you do to. I just slid myself inside Near again, and there was no sound, no protest, no whimpers, nothing.

After that, I really wasn't considering Near's emotions anymore, since the kid seemed to display none, I started doing the first things that came to mind again, lifting that light body was easy, then I pressed down again. OH GOD! OH GOD!! I love you so much Near. It felt like we were inseparable. Near was climaxing, I knew it.

"See, I knew you want this"

"N-No-I-DON'T" Near why won't you ever admit what you feel? It was seriously putting me off. I hated what I did next.

If Near wanted to keep saying no, then fine, I'll let her. I pushed that thin frame on the couch, just slamming myself in and out, I was angry, and that was something I couldn't control. I heard panting, and moaning, but no protest. Why wasn't Near saying no now?

"Beg me, BEG ME TO STOP!!" I wanted to see if Near was still objecting to this.

"P-Please STOP!!" that innocent voice broke. I should have stopped.

**Mello, you sadistic monster!!**

I couldn't stop, I wanted Near to hurt, I pressed down hard on her chest. "Ngh!" A helpless groan but not the thing I wanted to hear. "BEG ME AGAIN!" I slapped a cheek, **SHIT!**

**WHAT THE HELL!! PLEASE STOP!!** I was inwardly shouting the same thing as Near, but this body of mine, just couldn't get enough of Near. I needed more each time, even when night was over, why can't I stop?

"Well, go ahead, my little bunny." Why did I say that?

"M-mm-Mello-P-ple-as-Ahh!" I pushed a little, so that Near can't finish.

"M-Mel-Mm-lo-Nnnghh!!" Was I really enjoying this?

Then, Near started crying painfully, that sweet voice sounded so broken. **OH CRAP!!** I just snapped out of whatever sadistic trance I was in, and swiftly, hopefully painlessly pull us apart. Near quickly, moved away from me, curling up at the edge of the couch, and the way those eyes looked at me!

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, I hoped Near heard it, I wanted to say more, but I'd just realize how worn out I was, I just fell flat, sleeping in bed. Leaving Near…well I'm not sure how the kid was, but I hoped it wasn't too bad.

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how to read this story, author's advice..read a chapter from Please Don't and it's corresponding chapter in Right and Wrong....alright...On with the REVIEWS!!


	3. I don't want a cold shoulder

Oh yea..another chapter....again this is Mello's POV...for some reason reading this one...makes me feel more sorry for Mello than Near..everything's just so messed up...Mello and Near think alike but somehow they just don't get each other...Anyways please enjoy and comment/REVIEW!!

(Freakin' hell, I'm going away for like until tuesday, no internet or computer, so I'll update on maybe wed...see you then XD)

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**I don't want a cold shoulder**

"Yo, Mello, you wanna go out tonight?" Matt was so freakin' loud and class was still on, but it's not like the teacher was teachin anything at the time, so whatever, I just let him jabber.

"Na, I think I'll skip this time." I was in no mood for such things, my head was still pretty messed up with the whole Near situation.

"Aw, come on Mels, when's the last time you had some fun? We can grab a couple of chicks and get laid" Matt sounds perverted.

"Unlike some people, I actually need to prepare for exams" I mocked, but that was a pretty lame attempt, even for an excuse to Matt.

"Why so serious? You've always went out, exam or not. Come on, man, when was the last time you got laid, two weeks ago? I know you're _exploding_ by now." I just felt my eyes flickering on to Near. Since being with Near, I didn't see other girls the same anymore.

"Are you hiding a _stash _somewhere?" I almost gulped, staring at Near.

"Hey Mels, you listening to me? Will you stop staring at him!" I quickly looked back at Matt, hopefully Near isn't hearing this crap "Jeez, I know you hate the kid and all, but you've got your own life, you know? Obsession only leads to exhaustion." Matt, I'm so glad you're an idiot and can't figure out everything yet.

Yeah, OBSESSION, that's a pretty mild way of putting it.

Anyways, the bell rang before my head started thinkin bout those crap again. I looked over at Near's seat and the kid's gone, how the heck?

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"WHAT THE HELL!!" I stared at Matt on the bed with some chick. That stupid idiot, if we get caught with a girl like that in the dorm, there will be no end to it.

"Yo, Mels, calm down, I'm done, ok." Matt got up, started putting his clothes back on.

I glared at the girl, "What the hell you're lookin at!"

"Hey, Mels," I turned over to Matt who was rubbing his neck and grinning, meaning he's go ahead and do something stupid. "Can I borrow some cash?"

After that, there was a lot of scolding and yelling, but in the end, I knew I had to clean up Matt's mess. Matt, you idiot. So I paid up, but Matt's did some other stupid thing, and got a pricey hooker, that idiot.

"It's ok, if you give me a kiss, I don't mind giving a little discount." DAMN! But whatever, I did it anyway, but it didn't feel right or good, in any way.

I think hookers got a thing for me or something, 'cause that kiss lasted a lot longer than it should have. I heard some footsteps, I was gonna break away, but the chick's lips were glued to mine.

**OH SHIT!!** I saw from the corner of my eye, it's NEAR!! **CRAP!! ALL THE FREAKIN' CRAP!!** Come on, why the hell does stuff like this keep happening!!

I was expecting Near to get angry and shout at me, or hit me, or cry or something, but again nothing. Near just walked a little faster and not the slightest bit affected. DAMN YOU NEAR!! Don't you feel anything for me at all!!

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Near didn't go to class the next day, that worried me a little, Near's never skipped class or get sick, ever. So after classes, I rushed straight for the little white fluff's room. When I got there, Near was on the ground, playing with puzzles again.

"Hey Near why'd you skip classes today? They said you didn't feel well, but you look fine to me." I asked. I was really worried, you know, what if…

"If you must know, I felt feverish today morning, but I'm fine now." What the hell, why are you always so damn cold to me!! But nothing, Near just kept fixing the puzzle.

I paused a moment and took out a chocolate bar, ripping the aluminum foil and munched on it, trying to be calm and not get angry. By now, you should all know how much I hate Near's cold attitude.

"Is it because you saw me kissing that girl?" I suddenly thought of that, but I didn't think it was why Near was acting this way, I mean Near's always so indifferent about everything, I don't even think the kid knows of something like jealousy. Near just went on and on with that stupid puzzle.

….silence..

"I slept with her too, just so you know." I said plainly. I was obviously lying and I think Near would have seen through my feeble attempts to get a response from her.

But the hell, the kid ran up to me, pounding those little fist on my chest, "YOU JERK!!" I never heard Near yell like that before, "I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!" Near just snapped!! I just stood there as Near cried and screamed and hit me, it didn't hurt so much on my skin as it did on the inside. Doing that must have drained that little body very quickly, cause Near almost fell, but I caught hold in time. "h-how could y-you….do t-this to me." all the words were jumbled up with sobs, hiccups and stutters, but I still heard them.

I was…shock, I really didn't think Near could get so emotional, but I was glad that Near finally showed something that proved some sort of care for me. I wrapped my arms around the little waist, lifting Near off the ground and resting the kid down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" I held that porcelain face, "I didn't sleep with her, I swear. Near, I love you and only you. I've never so much as look at another girl after our first time. And the kiss you saw, was only because I was drunk." It was true, well, except the drunk part, but it would have taken too much explaning and drinking seems to be the best excuse to be blamed, since I usually do stupid things when I'm drunk. I kissed Near, tasting that sweet, sweet flavor of Near. I love you so much Near, I love you. Near was quiet again, as always when we made love.

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I still can't believe I'm writing this...having split personalities helps though...anyway....REVIEW!!

P.S. To Zizi, your comments are awesome!! I wished there were more verbal people out there like you:)


	4. I'm scared for you

Hello everyone! I'm back (one day earlier)....anyways...hope there's still people who want to read this....Please enjoy :)

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**I'm scared for you**

"AhhhahHH!! M-Me-Pl-S!!!" I was doing Near wrong again.

"SHUT UP!!" All those mistake again, and again, and again, and again, and again….

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_Earlier that day…_

"Here take this." I muttered, placing the small bottle on Near's desk, those dark eyes shifted to it, slowly holding it in those frail hands, examining. I was worried about the other day, about Near getting sick, then it hit me, _Near could get pregnant_. I know it's a slim chance and all, but still I wouldn't ever want to burden Near with something like that, no matter how much I loved the idea us having a baby together. I knew we weren't ready for something like that and you don't want to know how it was for a fifteen year old to get birth control pills.

"No thank you." Near was indifferent (again), placing the bottle back on the desk.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, just take the damn thing!" I snapped at Near, for reasons I could not comprehend.

"If Mello wants to do the things he does to me, he should own up to it." Near spat. WHAT THE HELL!! I was really mad that Near was so freakin' rude, it was like the kid's saying it's all my responsibility (which of course I would have gladly accepted, but there was no need to slam me!). And after all the trouble. It's like Near wants to make life difficult for me! I didn't mind that matter as much, but what I couldn't take is how Near would jeopardize her own body for this. Near, don't you see that I'm just looking out for you? Why can't you just accept my help! Why don't you care for yourself better, and why won't you let me care for you!!

All those thought running through my head, making my blood boil, and then SLAP!! OH GOD!!! CRAP! CRAP!! CRAP!!!

"NEAR!! WAKE UP!!" Oh NO!! **WHAT THE HELL DID I DO AGAIN!!!**

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I didn't know what to do, it's been at least an hour and Near hasn't woken up. OH HELL!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!!

"MELLO!!" I heard someone in the hallways. SHIT! Why does these things keep happening!! It's okay, I said to myself, whoever it is, they'd never come in Near's room, no ever comes in (except me). Suddenly, the door opens! "Hey, Mel-"

"Matt!" I yelped.

"Mello? What are you-" I saw his eyes look at the white thing in my arms.

* * *

"Hey, Mels, it's okay, just calm down, I'm sure that Near's just fine." Matt patted my head.

I just shook my head, why am I such an idiot? But I'm glad that at least someone else knew about the whole situation, and even more grateful that it was Matt, although I haven't exactly said anything about us being together. For now, Matt just knows that Near's a girl and I made up a story about why he had seen Near fainted in my arms.

We went out of Wammy's, Matt said I needed the fresh air, we took Near too, 'cause I couldn't just leave her alone. We went to Lydia's place, she was a drug dealer, and a whole lot of other stuff (don't ask how I know her). And I had a little 'fresh air'. I don't usually do drugs but I just needed to forget for a moment, just a little while. We talked, just me, Matt and Lydia, getting high. Then I fell asleep.

When I got up, I instantly remembered Near, the drug wasn't all out yet, but I needed to check if Near was alright. I opened the room door, and the first thing I saw was Near on the ground and legs parted as I said before no one should ever when I was wasted.

And on top of that, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!! I stared at Near, I know drugs cloud your mind and all, but again, there was no way I was imagining this. Near was wearing a school uniform, a really sexy one!! With white socks up to the thigh and pink underwear! And what's up with the hair, it was tied up at two sides, like only kids do that kind of stuff. Near got up, stepping back, letting me get a better look. It was the most **hottest, sexiest and cutest** thing I've ever seen. But how the hell… was it Lydia? OH SNAP!! I think I must've muttered something to her when I was high.

HOW? WHY? WHAT THE HELL!! Near, why did you have to be so freakin' gorgeous! And why did I have to be high!! I couldn't take it anymore, I walked up to Near, cupping that beautifully flushed face, leaning for a kiss, but hell, Near turned away. NEAR!!! Why can't you ever give me what I want!!

SLAP!! OH SHIT!! Near fell face down on the floor, picking up the little body in a crouching position. Near why do you keep tempting me? I wished I was wearing a shirt or something, because slipping off the pants didn't take enough time for me to realize that I was making a terrible mistake.

I was already pushing myself inside Near, hearing moans. I pushed Near down, when the kid tried to get up, there was a whimper. OH CRAP!! I was going into sadistic monster mode again, and this time on drugs!

"AhhhahHH!! M-Me-Pl-S!!!" I was doing Near wrong again.

"SHUT UP!!" All those mistake again, and again, and again, and again, and again….

I tried my best pausing the urges awhile. I needed to see that face, maybe I would stop if I did, I turned Near around, while we were still physically intact. I wasn't thinking straight so I didn't think that it would hurt Near if I did that.

"AAAHHHH!!" Near shouted, I'm sure if the others weren't on drugs, they would have rushed in at the sound. Near, I'm so sorry. I couldn't see think anymore, everything was so intoxicating-ly pleasurable about Near. I just wanted to hear that scream again. And I pushed again. (Damn it! What's wrong with me!)

"A-ah!" Oh Near, I'm so sorry, but just give me that scream again. I pushed roughly and hard, stabbing Near in all the wrong angles. _Near, please scream for me._

"AAAHHHHH!!!" I was so intoxicated, I didn't stop.

"Mmmn…Sweet Near, I love you so much. Tell me you love me too."_ Near, please just do this for me. I promise it's the last._ I waited, but nothing.

"SAY IT!! SAY YOU LOVE ME!!!" I snarled. I was so angry and drugged up.

**Why won't you say it!!**

At that point, I really didn't care anymore, I slapped Near and did whatever else to make those lips say the words. I was hurting Near, in ways I didn't want to, I know that little body was crumbling at all this pressure, there was no way it could take the things I was doing to it.

_Near, please don't move, it'll only hurt more._

"Near, p-please-" I was starting to tear up, partially because the drugs were running off and I was getting sober, out of maniac mode. "Please- I love you." _Near, I know it hurts, but just say it. I need it._

"Liar" My heart stopped "I hate you." Near…I saw those eyes so cold and empty looking up at me. It was real. Near hates me. Near, I'm sorry, I just…the tears started spilling, landing on Near's face.

What the? I felt something strange about Near, dark red staining those white legs. Near! You're bleeding! OH GOD!! WHAT DID I DO!!!! I quickly pulled out.

"NEAR!" I yelled, but those eyes were shut.

* * *

I paced the room up and down, over and over, nervously eating up as much chocolate as I could get my hands on. Matt was snoring, the drugs haven't run its course yet.

"Is Near alright?" I asked immediately when Lydia walked out.

"Yes, the kid's going to be fine. Just needs lots of rest for now." Lydia was sort of a doctor (how'd you think she gets the drug), so she knew her stuff well. I was able to take a deep breath. _Thank God._

Lydia was looking at me, very strangely, "Next time, don't get a hooker that's already knocked up." She shook her head, "Seriously Mello". _Hooker?_

* * *

"_Hey, Mello, who's the kid?" (Takes drugs)._

"_Huh, oh that, um…a hooker." (Sniffs)._

"_Really? Sure don't look like it." (Gets High.)_

"_So go do something about it." (Talks garbage). _

* * *

So that's why…..wait…WHAT THE HELL!!! What's going on!! I don't get it!! I don't get any of this!!!

_Near…._

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Alright...so here's chapter 4...hope it lives up to expectation...tell me what you think...REVIEWS!!

P.S. To Zizi...my story titles usually don't mean anything specific...I just use the first thing that pops to mind...so no need to cramp your head over it....


	5. I'm saying goodbye

Ok..really important...for all those reading...does anybody want me to continue the story from where it left off in the first story....I need to know so that I can start planning ahead...

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**I'm saying goodbye**

I couldn't face Near at all after that, and from the looks of things, it was the same for Near. Things were pretty messed up, Near was totally ignoring me. I couldn't do anything, I was so scared, scared if Near had known. _Near, I killed our baby._

Anyways, I couldn't do much since it was the exams, and I didn't really want to bother Near or myself. I was still aiming for being the best, even though being second best didn't seem that bad anymore, as long as the person in front was Near. I wished the exams had lasted a little longer, because right after it ended, I had to figure out how to face Near again.

"Mels, you ok?" Matt asked for like the hundredth time. The two of us went out clubbing, celebrating the end of mid-terms or at least that was how it goes for Matt.

"I'm fine, just stop asking already!" I took another big gulp. (Yeah, I was drinking again)

Matt placed an arm on my shoulders, practically breathing his cigarette breath into my nose, "Aw, Mel-Mel, always frust-ing over Near"

"WHAT!!" I yelped/scoffed out.

"Come on, second is a good place, look at me, I'm always third and you never see me complaining." Matt clanked my glass. Oh Matt, if only things were as simple as you see them.

I didn't say anything after that, just ordered another bottle, drinking and drinking and drinking. Suddenly, some cops broke the party, OH HELL! JUST WHAT I NEED!!

"IDs!!" OH CRAP! The cop tried to handcuff me, yeah right like I was ever gonna let that happen. I elbowed the freak's nose, breaking it and ran the hell out of there, hands automatically grabbing the cuffs.

* * *

I stumbled my way back to Wammy's, walking down the hallways and somehow was now standing in front of Near's door. I turned the knob, it was locked!! WHAT THE HELL!!

_Near, how could you lock me out? I need you, please, I need you!_

Whatever, I'll just smash my way in!! NEAR!!! I stood at the bathroom door, staring at the white child, naked, dripping wet, there were bruises and scratches and scraps everywhere, did I do that? I was angry at myself, and for some reason when I was wasted, my brain twisted it to being angry at Near. I harshly kissed the kid, wishing Near would kiss back, but nothing.

Near just went on resisting, and the cuffs just snapped into mind, I dragged and chained the kid up to the bathtub, instinctively turning the tap. Still in a drunken state, I took off my clothes and got in the tub. I parted those thin legs, clinging them to my lower back. Near looked so scared, black eyes already watery and lips trembling. It was kind of funny, seeing how much control I have over the kid, now tied up, struggling in vain to get loose, only making her own wrist cut and bleed.

Near…I don't care anymore if you hate me, because no matter what, you're mine. (I hope all those thoughts were just because I was drunk).

Then…OH CRAP!! NEAR!! I quickly pulled the kid up after almost drowning it.

"M-Mel-P-pleas-D-don't" Near said panting and in between sobs. For some sick twisted reason, it was funny. I pushed Near into the water again, this time keeping the kid under longer. After a while, I pulled the kid up, placing a hard slap on a cheek. "I'll make you say it!" I snapped. _I wonder what did I really want Near to say._

Whatever I didn't care anymore, I forced Near into the water, planting a kiss then pressing myself inside the body I loved so much. Near choked out the water, now breathing unevenly, it just looked so funny. Darn it, it was so funny to see Near helpless and at my will, funny to watch the kid suffering.

Then, it wasn't so funny anymore…

I went in the water together with Near, forcing myself on the little body, thinking to myself, that I was going to die right then and there together with Near. But then, Near had to ruin it, rubbing those hips against me, how could I resist? _Near, only you can make me so happy even when all I can think about is dying._

I unplugged the tub, letting the water drain out. Near laid on the cold tub, shaking and crying. I love you so much Near. "I love you too." I muttered, something that should have been said but was never by Near.

After that, another week passed and I kept my distance from Near. I didn't get angry anymore, what was the point, I was living my last days anyways. I already had everything planned out, in a few days time, I was going to die.

But as always, my plans never go as planned, as Roger told us about L's death and gave me the perfect excuse to leave Wammy's and also Near.

* * *

_Just before I left…_

"Near, can I come in?" Near nodded. _Why did Near do that?_

"Near, I'm leaving now, along with Matt." I sat down on the floor next to Near. "Yes, I know." that monotonous voice answered simply.

"Near" I tilted that perfect face, kissing Near softly, a slight whimper escaped those lips, Near tasted as sweet as the first time. I broke the kiss, tracing a finger on the pale lips. _Near, tell me what to do. _But again, nothing.

I smiled painfully "I love you." _What else more could I say?_

I walked out to the cold winter, towards Matt and his car. We drove silently away, my heart breaking as I saw the pure white figure, standing at the window, crying.

* * *

Ok...PLEASE REVIEW!!! Come on people...REVIEW already!!!

P.S. To Zizi..in the previous chapter, Near fainted bcuz he/she was pregnant, and probably fainted from exhaustion, pregnant ppl are like that (I think). And the bleeding, was bcuz Near had lost the child, it happens when a pregnant person becomes too stressed or the body is under too much pressure. Hope I cleared things up...


	6. I want to see you

Author's note: Mello is 19 and Near is 17..

* * *

**I want to see you**

_Five years later…_

I silently observed those white fingers moving from one puzzle piece to the next, effortlessly piecing the puzzle together. _Near, you never change_. I smiled at the thought. I didn't ever want Near to change, the kid (can I still call Near that?)was perfect just like this, peaceful, collected and on the ground in pajamas. This is the Near I know and love.

"Guess who?" I placed my hands over Near's eyes, feeling the tickle of long eyelashes against my skin.

I heard Near taking a deep breath before saying monotonously, "Mello, haven't you caused enough problems for the day?" He, I mean she reminded me of earlier where I'd barged into their headquarters with a gun to Halle's head. (So that must be why everybody's gone)

"I miss you." I blurted out, not bothering Near's question "I've just about gone mad thinking of you." I think of you everyday, Near, just waiting for this day, to see you again. I love you, more than ever before.

Cold fingers pried my hands off, then my little darling stepped a few steps away, before turning to face me. Near looked disappointed somehow, is it because of the scar? I felt self-conscious, but tried my best not to let it show.

"Near, you haven't changed at all, still cute as ever." I looked at Near and smiled. The kid turned away, not saying a word. I walked towards Near, slowly, expecting the little thing to seize the opportunity to run, but again, nothing._ Near, you never change, still so confusing._

I wrapped my arms around that thin waist._ When was the last time you ate?_ Those dark orbs refused to look at me. "Oh Near, why the cold shoulder? Are you angry because I left you?" Near didn't answer, instead started tugging and fidgeting with her curly white hair, that was her comfort zone.

"Do you still love me?" I had to ask. _Did you ever love me or feel anything for me at all?_ I tighten my grip on Near's waist, I hear a gasp, that shook me a little, but then Near looked over and I abruptly met our lips together. _Near, sweet, sweet Near…._ The kiss broke, Near raised a hand, I quickly caught hold of it, I couldn't help but chuckle, finally a reaction. I put two slender fingers in my mouth, licking and sucking the taste._ So sweet…_

"My turn." I wanted to toy a little with my sweet love, I have waited for such a long time after all. I placed a hand into those baggy pajama pants, sliding pass Near's underwear, straight to those curves.

"N-NGH!" Near gave a faint scream. That voice was still so innocent. I stuck another finger into Near's tight insides, Near clutched closely to me for support. I felt soft fluffy hair on my chest, it tickled me. _Near, you're so adorable_. My lips went to Near's neck, kissing and nibbling, feeling the heartbeat increasing. I felt some hot liquid at the entrance, so I pulled out my fingers, licking it, losing my grasp for just a moment and Near fell to the ground.

It only took one arm to pick up the little figure, then swiping everything off the table, I laid Near gently on it. "Near, it's just like old times, isn't it?" my hands already working on the buttons and zippers. I looked at the body lying on the huge desk, grinning as a reflex, it wasn't obvious but Near had definitely changed. "You _have_ grown." I had to say. Near, I didn't think it was possible, but you're even more beautiful.

Near became cold again as I kissed and touched, playing with her new body. I felt those curves, hands sometimes on the breast, then finally on the inner thigh. _Near, open up for me._ I placed a hand on the kid's back, lifting that small frame off the table. I wanted to take my time, but I was desperate (since I haven't done it with anyone for a whole 5 years!!). I think I was a little rough on the kid.

How long? how many times? I've never felt so much pleasure and satisfaction. _Near, you complete me._ "I love you" I had to keep saying, Near deserves to hear it.

I was glad nobody disturbed us because I never wanted this to end. _But then…._

"Please stop…" I looked at Near, realizing that tears were rolling down those pale cheeks.

"Stop it…stop hurting me…" Near whispered the words, sounding so broken.

"It hurts…" _Please Near, don't say that…_

I had to stop. I placed my coat to cover up that shaky body. _Near, please stop crying_. I walked to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. _What have I done…._

I walked out of the bathroom after spilling some tears, and cleaning myself up, now munching on chocolate to keep calm. I sat on the edge of the table, a safe distance away from Near.

"Mello, you're going to die" Near was monotonous, but still hiding her face behind her bangs.

"Yes, I know..." I paused "..and you're going to let me die." for a moment I thought Near looked shock, but I must've just imagined it. Near, I know you hate me and I don't blame you, it's okay, I deserve to die, don't feel sorry for me.

I saw tears again, moving closer, I pushed away those white hair that was a little wet with sweat, wiping away the tears. _Please don't cry because of me._

"It's alright. If I do this, will you forgive me?" _Please Near, forgive me, I'll do anything, even die for you._

I'd expect Near to say, "NO! I'll never forgive you! I HATE YOU!! I WANT YOU TO DIE!!"

But no, Near curled up to me, sobbing and shivering, "Mello, please don't-" Near, why are you always doing these things? You really are hopeless. I placed a gloved hand over those lips, "I love you, Near." I murmured, watching the kid faint from the chloroform effect.

Near, don't you know what's good for you? I can't let you hurt anymore. It's okay, everything will be fine after I'm gone. _Goodbye my love…._


	7. Dying Moments

**Dying moments**

I walked out of the SPK headquarters, after removing all evidence of my being there, of course. The weather was cold again, seems like it's going to snow.

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy!" the woman whom I know as mother pushed me away, letting me fall back roughly. Tears streaking down my face, I didn't bother to wipe them. "Mommy! Please don't leave me!" I kept begging. But nothing, that woman just walked away, leaving me to fend for myself. It was snowing that day. The last thing I remembered of that woman and this cold I constantly feel. After that, it was foster homes to foster homes, one family after another. I was always a troublemaker so I never stayed put in one place. I'd always tried to run away but the authorities eventually caught me, shoving me in the nearest orphanage. I was treated like crap everywhere I went, I had no real friends, no one that I could lean on. Outside I always acted tough, but I felt so lonely, so much so that it ate me up inside until one day I was sitting in the snow again, waiting for death to come collect me.

"Hey there" the strange man greeted. He was tall, thin, and as pale as the snow. Those dark bottomless eyes stared at me, or rather analyzed me, holding a chocolate bar with only two fingers, and no shoes. What kind of person steps out without shoes in winter? I looked at my own bare feet. This man was amusing. "Here, you want some chocolate? I don't usually share my sweets, but I'll make an exception if you would come with me."

I snatched the bar out of the hand, munching on it barbarically, "I'll take the chocolate, but there's no way I'm coming with you" I snarled, I supposed my badass attitude was already there longer than I thought.

The man put a thumb to his lower lip, then he spoke again, "Oh, and why is that?"

I ate down the last piece of chocolate, licking my finger, thinking of something to throw back at the dude, "I don't trust you, that's why"

"And why not?"

…

I couldn't think of anything. There was no particular reason to not trust him but also no reason to trust him either. I looked at the man, analyzing him as he did me, could I really trust him? Will I get hurt again? Will I end up in the snow like I am right now?

"It's so cold" He mumbled. I stared at him, "It is" I whispered, crying softly.

"I can give you a place to live, with food and shelter and people to take care of you. I can give you a home you always wanted, would you like that?" I nodded, wiping away the tears.

* * *

It was about two years after I had came to Wammy's, an orphanage own by the strange man named L. I loved living there, I finally had a place to belong, now making friends with a weird redhead, who talks about games all day, everyday. Everything was going great, I was the first in line to succeed in L's title. I worked hard as best I could to be the best, then everything changed when a little white child walked through the gates one snowy night.

The white thing sat in the hall, quiet, alone. Usually we would have a welcoming party but it was late and most of the other children were in bed. I ate too much chocolate again, so I was still awake, creeping my way to get a glimpse of the new kid.

There sitting on the ground, twirling on a lock of hair, those black eyes looking out to some faraway land. I lifted the camera to take a picture, then it smiled. It was so angelic. I was dazed I think. At that time I didn't understand, but it was love at first sight.

* * *

"DAMMIT!! HOW CAN HE BEAT ME AGAIN!!!" I snapped, throwing the table lamp to the wall, permanently destroying it.

"YO! Watch it!" Matt yelped, now taking out a cigarette, "You always do this Mello. You got to let it go, there's always next time."

"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!!" I yelled.

"And what don't I get?" Matt raised an eyebrow.

…

"UGH!!" I couldn't put it into words for a proper explanation. That Near…. He was everything I hated, I hate his freakin' cold attitude, the way he thinks he's better than anyone, the way his eyes look, his snow white hair, his pale skin, the fact that he has no sense of fashion, the way he plays with those stupid toys, his indifference to everything around him, his ignorance to me. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT KID!!!

* * *

Now, looking at the picture in my hands, I think the reason I hated Near was because I could never get close to her. I always wanted us to be friends, to be able to talk to each other, to work together, but that freakin' attitude. Near, if only you opened up more, if only you weren't such an emotionless robot, if only you were the kid I first laid eyes on, smiling out the window, if only….

* * *

I'm so sorry, Near, all I ever wanted was for you to love me back. You might not believe it, neither did I when I first came to the realization, but I love you, truly I do, more than anything, I needed you so badly, you were the only thing keeping me going. You have no idea what kind of life I had before Wammy's, but that's not any excuse for all the things I did. I guess I'm just one sick twisted piece of shit.

I'd felt like dirt all my life until I got to Wammy's and then you came along, putting me back in the shadows again. I used to hate you so much, because you were always in my head, it's like I couldn't have a life of my own, I suppose even in those days, I was already stuck on you.

Then, that night, in the bathroom, I was so drunk, I regretted it badly, because after I had a taste of you, I was hooked immediately, like I was with chocolate. I needed you so badly, anything, but you never gave me so much as a glance. So I…

All those times you called out my name, your breath, your kiss, your touch, your body, it was like a drug. I knew I had lost my mind when I did it again in the library, then after that…

I didn't want to make you cry, but that beautiful face and that innocent voice, why did you have to be so perfect?

"….It hurts…" I didn't want it to end up like this. I guess I've lost again.

_My sweet Near, I'm scared, I don't want to be alone._

I am sorry, please forgive me. I hoped that after I'm gone, you'll be happy, I won't hurt you anymore. I know you'll never feel the same way about me, I wished I could take back all those mistakes.

I guess I never really had a chance with you. But I need you, can't you see that? Why won't you believe that I love you? I just want to be with you, always.

I love you, Near.

…

BEEP! BEEP!

"Hello?" I picked up my cell, hands still on the wheel.

..silence..

"Hello, who is this?" I asked again.

"M-Mello-"

"Near?"

"…I..I love you…P-Please don't-"

"I love you too, Near, always have, always will." I flung the phone out of the truck, and that was that.

* * *

I parked in some old abandoned church just thinking, waiting for the end. Takada was at the back, probably writing my name down in that little piece of paper from the Death Note. Looks like, there's no way out now, it's really the end.

"…I..I love you…P-Please don't-" Those words keep playing in my head. I couldn't, I just couldn't let Near finish, if I did I would have never gone through with this plan and everything would be ruin and we wouldn't be able to catch Kira. Kira…Near please catch him for me….

I sat on there, praying, holding the rosary beads, feeling sorry for myself, then suddenly it snapped. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!! I can't die, no way, I don't want to, I can't!!

NEAR!!

* * *

Ooh...does this mean the story continues....well....it's up to you and your reviews....XD


	8. happily ever after?

To all readers..Thanks to your very speedy writer...I have now successfully created a third part to this fanfic called **Happily ever after?** ...So if you wanna know what happens next, go check it out and tell me what cha think...ok?


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